“STRANGER THINGS: A Bad Lip Reading”

*Turn captions on and off with CC button Don’t take candy from a stranger Things like that could lead to danger Dustin, Lucas, El and Mike- Riding on a bike to save their friend from the Upside Down Those stranger things You know we’re living those stranger things Like most twelve year olds back then, my family life revolved around the dinner table. I have to do something wicked in my talent show. Well, you’re neat at impressions. Actually, I thought I would just say “super freak” Hey, I got a lovely tattoo. I’ll show you when we’re done. Is it a whale? No, it’s cool. But is it super freak? Is it a wine glass? There must be jealousy in this house. What, is the boy jealous? ‘Cause I’m sure not. Next, you get to clean dad’s back. Ew! Then I’m gonna shove you under the couch and leave. What’d he just say? How would you shove her? Ugh, you scare the soup outta me! Wah, wah. *groans* She’s not super freak.

You’re a weird kid. That, I am. What the hell? El was a strange girl that lived in a blanket fort in my basement. My friends and I had found her in the forest. She didn’t say a whole lot, but it gave me a chance to practice talking to girls Which was something I definitely needed help with Harphedesh – oh dang. I…don’t make enough spit sometimes. But I don’t have a disease. Avejeheesh…avajeehesh – oh dang. Oh, my poor tongue is so dry. Do you wanna feel it? Um, well, now you can’t. Not yet. Centipede. Mmmm, no. My sister, Nancy, could be a bit uptight, but some people were really into her. Look at dis right here! How are you, Marm? Me and you should, just make out in our pajammies. Ungh, little girl, you are quite the little tease.

No, I am not. Pshhh, then why don’t you hang out with me? Are you scared of Marm? You know I’m just gonna come and ask you for your hair again. Eww gross… k, I’m not giving you any more clumps. Well, then why don’t I give you a scalp massage? Hm? Or not… Ooh, you are sassy today. Joyce Byers lived on the outskirts of town, with her two sons Although one of them was lost in an alternate dimension. Sheriff Hopper had been called to the house many times But never for anything that actually warranted police involvement Huh, shoe polish? That’s nothing. Aren’t you gonna try to make a call so you can check it? Nah, I’m cooler than that. So, what are your d-dreams? Confess them to me. Ok, so I was in THE Billy Ocean’s wedding. b-but there was this scarecrow and he handed me something like chalk Oh, and you were there, but you were made out of cardboard so we could not get pregnant, and we did it.

I’m flexing my nose while I say no. Hey, I’m on drugs here! Enjoying it? Well, no. I’m indifferent to you. You don’t want to sneeze on the hump?! Nope. Dude, downgrade. That’s ghastly. You look just like ketchup smells. Good, ketchup is dope. No, actually, it’s not. Girl, you be lying to me! I got a new tattoo… Death. The guys and I had written a one-act play for the talent show, and I thought it’d be a good idea for us to try it out in front of a test audience. Ready… action! Are you the pilot? Say it meaner. Are you the pilot?? Is this about my wife? Boy, I wish she was my wife. Look how boring I am. I had a pink shirt, and did not care. But now I know to seize my fountain of blue. I think that’s wrong… Just pat me on my shirt after I do the next section. Our chicken – what happened to him? Why is it a chicken now, and not a lizard? *sneezes* You ruined it! Do you hear me? That’s nut nuts! Man, that’s just nut nuts! Wafalalaneshaladadiditakadahadnanaonthetelephone. You’re a vision…

I’m getting sleepy… It’s afternoon. Yeah, and we’re kind of in nature. Nature? Nature? Oouuummmmmmmmmmmm. Wait, I meant to play in the sprinkler! We gotta go! Are you kidding? With this noise? Hey, I like modern jazz, okay? It sucks, and I don’t get it. It’s just tones… what’s wrong with tones? Well, i-it sounds like bones. Hm, that means…? It doesn’t even have like a beat! It could be fine if it wasn’t all bleeps. It’s just – it’s not music with no beat! What about that? That’s a beat. There’s not a pattern! I mean, what’s this song even called? “There Was a Weiner on the Buffet”? That is it. It can’t be that! It’s imported from England. Oh, well I guess I could have told you that. I will stop it.

What about Glitter Job? What? Yeah, they have this song “Ice God of Hungary”. Yeah, I know it. I’ll put it on. Enjoy. Ok, now, this is good. This is great. The guy that sat on his potato put his socks around his neck. Oh, even I will touch the junk; it was a dog who bit me for the burger meat. I got bit. Cold shrimp. I gotta find my sticks. Yeah, baby. Frightened nipple. Frightened nipple. Yeah, this is art. Need more wine! The Ice God of Hungary! Y’know, some of you have never been loved. Is that true? Your parents are just disappointed in you, that’s all. What? Now, Nancy, don’t forget – what you have after the consonants are the weaker vowels. Mmm, I’m not sure really how I feel about that… Do you even wanna keep on shaving my legs? I don’t, no. Then I might die. YES! I mean, everyone’s so readyyy.

Ok…here is a tray. I didn’t put stuff on it, so it’s empty. I sort of feel like you’re fragrant like a roast. K, I think the guys are wanting a snack so we’re gonna go and make that. Yeah, we just want some fried owl feet. Fried? Yeah, fried…in oil. Oil? Fried? Can she hear us? I don’t know, I think her brain might be sick. Or maybe she’s a simpleton. Simpleton? Yeah, simpleton, watch what I do. I have made a loogie, and now I smashed it. I decided it might be a good idea for me to help El expand her conversational skills beyond single words. Ok, go ahead and say something. Just do one word. Hm, hm.

Bongos? Okayyy…well, it’s good for you. You got another one? Potato? Uhh, potato? Try again. Ricin. Brilliant. Also, it’s horrible and murdery. I don’t even know if you should try to talk anymore. Try combining words. Two would be good, two is easy. Goat balls. Don’t say goat balls… French cocaine? French? Like, I don’t e- could you maybe just…say more words? And put the words…together? Will you bleed on my butter? What?? No! No!! What? Suddenly, I had an overwhelming urge to sniff her cheek. It was a scent I would never forget – an alluring combination of sweat and frozen waffles. Hey, listen to this, man. I saw this band play Tuesday night, and we’d clap for these cats just once. I’d be like *clap* like that, and I mean, somehow that got ’em burning mad. Huh. Back then, Nancy was dating a guy named Steve Hair. Steve had a tendency to go blank for minutes on end. It was the kind of thing you just had to wait out. Oh, hey Nancy.

I like your face. Yeah, ok, I know. I just- I can never show you my feet. I guess they’re bad or something, right. Yeah, part of me is messy. And dude, what about your tongue? Well, the tongue’s the opposite… ’cause it’s always sorta messy. Dude, whatever. It’s wet! Like the sea! Every Tuesday, Donald, at the general store, let people pay for their purchases with speed doodles. Looks like you’ve gotta draw a cat in fifteen seconds. Uhh, yeah, you know I can’t even draw a little baby. Hmm, who farted? I’d say you. Let me show you how to draw a cat, here… I wanna see how you do the whiskers. Yeah, lady, I think that you may want to have some of the coffee-free coffee. Or, I could stick this fork into your crazy face. My fingers taste nasty. Now, you fools get to watch as I imitate a frustrated robot. He’s like: Hmm, hmmm, hmmm. Ksssk, kssk. All done; that’s it. Now, what would you like to say? I’m your sister’s lover. It’s fine, we just kissed! You’re telling me that you kissed Roberta, right here, in this room? And in the Queefy Tower.

Oh-b-oh! What is that? N-no I don’t wanna know what that is. YOU can meet girls with the right accent! An accent? An accent, right, like: how many bees are on me? All of them! Oh, then I say you really count with your butt. Guys! The doctor cut off my gills! I need some rainwater. Sheriff Hopper automatically assumed that every old man with white hair might be able to reveal hidden secrets of the universe Old Ben, what’s the force? Well, let me tell ya. You see my hand? Yes… See that right there? Yes. That ain’t it. That’s just my hand. I knew that wasn’t it. Yeah, I don’t think you did. Will you sniff finger? What? Oh…that is a very aggressive scent.

You might want to wash your finger. I did. Wow, ok – that’s pungent. Thank you. Nancy had learned some things about Steve that she did not like. And even though she tended to pass out if she sneezed to hard, She was not someone you wanted to mess with. Why’d you need to eat raw oysters? ‘Cause I was runnin’ around you know, I was real messed up! Awww. I feel like you’re just really insensitive, Nancy. Are you a talking mouse? Uh…that would be you. Mmmm, someone needs love. You got a bad glass eye. What? The glass one is on the right. Good job. Absjjsjaaah- There are other…

Fish… in the sink. I already said the line, so… Oh, it’s me – hey, do not breathe near her! Ow, my hair wants me to hurt you, and I do what it says. Do you like my hair, kid? Huh? You like it? Answer the latest question. No, don’t do it! You’re not at Thanksgiving! Hey, maybe if you just walk around and don’t ever talk everyone will say you’re the best.

Huh? You think maybe I shouldn’t have said that? You cracked my egg baby! Stop! My dad has rage! Do you like my hair? Do you like my hair, kid? Just get off me! No! I don’t – I don’t like your hair. Why is it so big? Ah, these rolls are pretty cold. How long do you heat them up? Just do it like, you know, just seven and one half. That sounds pretty perfect. And I can tell you the best time for nachos. Well, what is it? Oh, no, you’re not ready for that one, and you know it.

Now that’s how you warm bread. Smells great… Yeah…that’s ’cause it’s a roll. You know that one kid that’s like, always biting his pencils? Like, biting into the wood? Yeah, the Turkish kid, Labalti. No, that’s the other kid. Luke LaGrange. I have him in opera. Ohhhh. Fwagaleavemorchanum-frow frow! Di di cuh, phew phew. Are you saying you kissed a blackbird? Mhm, uh huh. Well, you should w- Wait! I have to tee tee. Then go tee tee. I bet tee tee’s a metaphor, isn’t it? Mhm, I’ll do it after this. You guys wanna see a special magic trick? Whoa, you can’t do that! I can’t? Try, you can’t.

I mean, it’s…so hard. It’s incredible dude. I don’t know…that looks…easy. Whatever, son, I think I would know. And if anyone ever says, “meet me in front of that converted van…” Don’t. Hit my breast, I’m gonna pretend to know about karate. Ooh, karate. The guy out in the woods oughtta sell you tainted meth. Where is he? I wish I was a bumble bee. You’re both in high school? That seems improbable.

Yeah, well you just- I have to go eat cheese now. Yo, Steve. What? I’m walking. Remember first grade? On that trampoline, remember? You asked me to jump. *whispering* No one can hear you, even. Whoa, I forgot about her. The only girl I know that drinks her hairspray in the morning. I’m hardcore! No dude wants your mouth! Hey! I heard that, and you’re mean. You don’t talk like that, alright? You’re not my friend. Yeah I am! Your friend. Who gave you that poncho? Forget about that, dude? Me and you are like, the best. You’re like the wind And I’m the canyon. You’re pretty. Or maybe not. Which is it? I think so. You have lips. And arms. And an ankle. Singular? Yes. That’s your head. Centipede? No…head. Egg. You okay? Gas. Umm, maybe it was the soup. Soup. There’s grease…on the sofa. Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! Yeah, Lucas did it, and he freaked out and ran away. Was it lasagna? I don’t know what it was. There’s grease everywhere on the sofa, now how did it get there? It was me, it’s my fault! I dropped a bacon patty, and now, your mom’s gonna kill me! Bacon patty? A bacon patty! See ya El! Let’s get out of here! We were originally running to get away from my mom, but soon we found we were running from Luke LaGrange, and his minion Labalti.

Oh, that’s the kid from Turkey. Here you go… Hey, I’m gonna throw this, ok? Ok, I will catch. Oh, that’s good, but you need practice. Ahh AHH ahh ahh. Come here, kid! That’s not fair! Cut him now! Just cut him now! Hey, wait – are you telling me to cut him? Yeah, who else? Are you kidding? I’m just ready! Ooh man you scare me. Just cut him now! How funny is his mouth. No, just CUT HIM NOW! I’m gonna! Just hold it! I’m confused. Just don’t talk. I’m sick of waiting. Why are you so evil? I’m so done here; you take too long. Myaaaah! *Seagulls plays* You like seagulls? Yeah, I do. Yoda will change your life. Yeah, turn it up. Don’t take candy from a stranger Things like that could lead to danger Dustin, Lucas, El and Mike- Riding on a bike to save their friend from the Upside Down Those stranger things You know we’re living those stranger things SUPER FREAK!

As found on Youtube